I'm a bad mom: what should I do?

Situations often arise in which new mothers or experienced mothers sadly admit: “I feel like a bad mother.” We should immediately make a reservation: a person who has thoughts that he is bad is not such.

We all know the truth that a stupid person will never admit that he is stupid. And if a mother analyzes and worries about where and what she might have been wrong about, and reproaches herself for her shortcomings, then she is a good mother who knows how to admit mistakes and will definitely try to improve in the future.

Reasons for negative thoughts

This feeling of inadequacy arises in different cases:

• when mothers are angry that the baby does not calm down for a long time and cries;
• when a child is scolded for his behavior at school;
• when mothers are forced to leave the baby with another person for a while;
• when mothers lose their temper and yell at the child, or even spank him a little;
• when children start being rude to their parents, etc.

A constantly crying baby can make almost every woman feel like a bad mom.

Such thoughts, the so-called bad mother complex, are inherent in almost all women without exception who have children. Some new mothers sometimes even experience some rejection of their child: they do not realize that their baby is really their child.

Often similar thoughts about their failure as a mother come to those women who are “helped” by the older generation to take care of their little ones. They will definitely tell you, modern mixtures, the latest education methods. The mother-in-law or mother will remember how they raised their children, that they did not have any unpleasant situations, that they never took it out on others or the child.

If the help of your older relatives consists only of criticizing your behavior, try to protect yourself from communicating with them. Otherwise, they will not only convince you that you are a worthless mother, but will also lower your self-esteem in general.

How to deal with this?

All these negative thoughts a la " I think I'm a bad mom”, which sometimes interfere with communicating with children and raising them correctly, gradually go away. But if you have a lingering feeling of failure as a mother, try using the following recommendations, which help many women facing similar problems:

• Have a rest

Yes, mothers always have a lot of responsibilities related not only to the baby: cleaning, cooking, washing, etc. To do all this, you need to hire a housekeeper, but often there is no money for this. Therefore, sometimes let your husband prepare breakfast for himself, put off cleaning up the apartment until better times, etc., while you sleep.

It is more pleasant for a child to be with a kind and rested mother, even if some things have not been ironed for the whole family for a week, than with a tense, always on edge mother, but with a sterile apartment and order in everything.

• Ask for help

If you can’t cope, don’t hesitate to ask close relatives, neighbors, single friends, etc. for help. Moreover, this may not be a request to babysit, but, for example, to go to the store for the necessary products or pick up your coat from the dry cleaner.

This won’t take up much time from your friends, but you will be able to avoid stressing yourself over even such minor issues. And the life of mothers, in addition to caring for the child, consists of little things.

• Make time exclusively for yourself

Monotonous activities and tasks 24 hours a day will drive anyone into depression. Therefore, leave the child with grandmothers, girlfriends or husband (and drive away the thoughts that he is a bad father and will not cope), and go ahead: play sports, English, embroidery, dancing, etc. Come up with something useful to do, pay for it in advance, and then you will definitely not miss a single lesson.

• Take a sedative if necessary

Now there are medications that can be taken by nursing mothers - they do not affect the baby in any way. Typically these are herbal based products. It is best to consult your doctor before taking any medications.

• Count to 10

Psychologists recommend this technique to anyone who needs to calm down. Even if yours has been going on for a long time, and you can’t calm him down, don’t “boil.” Go out into the kitchen or hallway for a couple of minutes and count to 10. The child will still cry, and this time will help you calm down, pull yourself together and not do anything stupid.

• Have a positive attitude towards life!

This is difficult, especially when something doesn’t work out, but imagine how surprised your child will be when you simply laugh at his remark about a forgotten diary and tell him how you yourself once forgot not only a diary, but also a shift and notebooks , and even “head”.

Know the main thing: there are no ideal people, just like there are no ideal mothers. It is important to try to be ideal only for your children, and not for the entire world around you. Children value love, not generally accepted ideals.

There are a number of conclusions about the dangers of washing cosmetics. Unfortunately, not all new mothers listen to them. 97% of shampoos use the dangerous substance Sodium Lauryl Sulfate (SLS) or its analogues. Many articles have been written about the effects of this chemistry on the health of both children and adults. At the request of our readers, we tested the most popular brands.

The results were disappointing - the most advertised companies showed the presence of those very dangerous components in their composition. In order not to violate the legal rights of manufacturers, we cannot name specific brands. The Mulsan Cosmetics company, the only one that passed all the tests, successfully received 10 points out of 10 (check out). Each product is made from natural ingredients, completely safe and hypoallergenic.

If you doubt the naturalness of your cosmetics, check the expiration date; it should not exceed 10 months. Be careful when choosing cosmetics, this is important for you and your child.