You are sitting at home. "You're sitting at home!" How to recognize emotional abuse

Antipyretics for children are prescribed by a pediatrician. But there are emergency situations for fever when the child needs to be given medicine immediately. Then the parents take responsibility and use antipyretic drugs. What is allowed to give to infants? How can you bring down the temperature in older children? What medicines are the safest?

- Julia, can you imagine, the husband once again refused to sit with the child on the weekend, he went out of town to help his parents! - one of my friends complains to me on the phone, who has been on maternity leave for the second year and does not work.

Why didn't you go with them? I ask.

- Yes, because they have already begun to prepare a garden for planting there, I will either have to help or sit with the child again. And I don't have the strength to do so. I want to relax at least on weekends, go quietly shopping or go to the movies, and not dig in the garden.

- What does your husband say?

“But he doesn’t believe that I get tired. After all, I sit at home all day, so I'm idle. It's he who plows at work from morning to evening, not me. And at home there is a multicooker, and a washing machine, and a dishwasher.

- Doesn't he understand that household appliances do not solve all problems?

“Apparently not…

Many people, like my friend’s husband, don’t really understand how you can get tired on maternity leave, because you don’t have to get up on an alarm clock and go to work. Sitting at home all day and watching TV! Beauty, isn't it?

But the expectation and reality of maternity leave are very different. It just seems that the presence of household appliances solves all problems. In fact, household appliances solve only everyday problems, and a woman on maternity leave has many more of them.

Firstly, you need to walk with the child. And first you need to collect it. A child is not a doll that can be easily dressed and undressed. He can be indignant and resist, and then the fees and the walk turn into a disaster.

Shopping is also not always realistic to carry out with a child. Because he may flatly refuse to go to the shops, because he wants to ride the escalators. And you will either have to ride with him, or drag him screaming to the store. But in neither case will you make a purchase.

On maternity leave, you can’t just relax and lie down with a face mask to read a book. Because a child needs an eye and an eye, so that he does not climb onto the table, does not fall from there, does not overturn something on himself. The mother of a small child is in a state of permanent tension. This is normal, this is how the maternal instinct works. But this does not mean that constant stress does not affect it.

Fatigue comes not only because of physical labor. Stress is also very exhausting, and the state of constant tension is the most stressful.

A woman can relax only when the child falls asleep. And here already who in what is much. Someone also sleeps, someone rushes to clean the apartment and cook dinner so that the husband does not reproach him for idleness, someone simply rejoices at the opportunity to watch a movie in complete silence, because with a small child it is almost impossible.

Being a housewife and a housewife with a small child are two big differences. Because a child, even the calmest one, can turn any plans and expectations upside down.

I also thought that I would take the child to the kids club, and sit in the parents' room with a laptop, write articles, drink coffee and watch on the monitor how my child studies and plays. Aha! How! He does not want to leave my side, and I have to constantly be there next to him.

So even though the decree is called a “vacation”, it is not really a vacation at all. This is a real job, and sometimes much more responsible and stressful than shifting pieces of paper in the office.

A huge number of young dads find that they are very tired at work, while their spouse sits at home with the child all day. What can she get tired of, because she only needs to look after the child? Especially for such dads, we publish our memo.

Memo to husbands who do not understand all the "charms" of maternity leave

At work, you have no such responsibility as carrying your boss in your arms. And almost all day, despite your tired hands.
You don't have to watch out for co-workers who might put a stapler in their mouths, climb on a table, or decorate walls and blinds.
Your colleagues probably know how to eat neat, and you do not have to clean up the consequences of their meal. They don't throw food or climb into your plate.
Leaving the office at lunchtime, you do not have to persuade a colleague to get dressed, he does it himself. You will not kill yourself by putting your fingers in a glove, your legs in your boots, and your naughty head in a hat.
On the street, your colleagues do not lie down in a puddle in a freshly bought suit, proving their case, and you do not wash their clothes afterwards.
When, by sheer chance, you and a colleague are together in a store, he does not beg you to buy everything he sees, and at the same time he does not swear to be good and eat well. You do not have to use all your ingenuity and come up with a hundred reasons not to buy the tenth trifle in a row.
When your co-workers are tired, you don't carry them back to the office in your arms, and they don't act up and wave their legs and arms.
In the office, you don't have to constantly yell at your co-workers to keep them from wiping their hands and sucking their thumbs. In any case, they have their parents who can blush for them.
Your colleagues don't start crying for no reason. And even if this happened, you do not have to put all your effort into calming them down.
In the office there is no concept of "daytime sleep". Fortunately for you, you do not have to put your colleagues to bed, rock them in your arms and wait for those eyes to finally close. While your co-workers are sleeping, you are not trying to do a thousand things and have everything in time for their awakening, forgetting about your own rest.
You do not have to clean up all the documents, pens and rulers that your colleagues scattered around the office a hundred times a day.
Your colleague does not answer “no” to every word or sentence you say.
You are relieved of the obligation to watch when a colleague needs to go to the toilet, and even more so, no one forces you to clean up the consequences of an untimely visit to him.
In addition to your main duties, you are not forced to clean all work rooms and prepare breakfasts, lunches and dinners for the entire team.
And most importantly, you leave work every day at exactly the designated time. And there you will definitely find a delicious dinner, clean clothes, a tidy apartment and a friendly wife.

Mom's everyday life

Here I heard from a friend a very interesting description of his wife: “Yes, mine doesn’t do a damn thing, he sits at home with a child on maternity leave ...”. And I realized that I was boiling!

For some reason, men perceive the decree as a kind of freemen. As if the morning of a woman begins with hot dances on the beach, surrounded by pumped-up torsos, and in the evening she, sipping Mojito, relaxes with a massage session with hot stones.

Well, the fairy godmother is watching the child, the house and other things at this time. Because otherwise, I don't know who.

And when you hint to such a husband that fairies do not exist, and he comes to a clean house, eats a delicious dinner, and puts on an ironed shirt in the morning, he says, they say, she MUST do at least something. Let WORK, since he doesn’t go to work.

Well, OK. Let's work. It's just that they usually get paid for work. Now we will calculate how much our "lazybones" deserved money at modern market prices.

Let's agree right away, we take the situation when the wife does not sit at the TV series all day and greets her husband in the evening with the Georgian dish “zhrichodali”. And when a woman treats her duties as a good employee.

So, given: a family of four (mom, dad and two favorite slackers) lives in a two-room apartment of 65 meters.

Cleaning

Cleaning, as you know (more precisely, women know, and men generally represent), can be quick and general.

Fast - this is when I ran with a rag and a vacuum cleaner, scattered things around the cabinets, rinsed the plumbing and it was fine. General - this is when everything is washed, sorted out, rubbed to a shine. There is also a very terrible - cleaning after the repair. It's like a general cleaning after a general cleaning. But repairs are supposed to be done once every five years (at best), so we will take into account only quick and general repairs. A “decent” wife does a quick cleaning once a week and a general one every two.

So, 50 rubles per square meter at best for a quick cleaning - 3250 rubles at a time. 80 rubles for the general - 5200 rubles at a time. In total, 4 quick cleanings and 2 general cleanings per month - 5,200 × 2 = 10,400, 3,250 × 4 = 13,000. 10,400 + 13,000 = 23,400.

Cooking

The average price of a business lunch is 200 rubles. Children's menu - 150. Do not forget breakfast - 120 rubles.

Note that we will not include your wife's meals in the price (although this is often included in the social package), as well as the salary of the dishwasher, cleaner and waitress.

You're also very lucky if your wife isn't a Michelin-starred chef. If it has... pray!

Total per month: 200 × 31 = 6,200. 150 × 62 (we have two children) = 9,300. 120 × 93 (breakfasts are for children and husband) = 11,160. 6,200 + 9,300 + 11,160 = 26,660 .

Childcare

Let's take an hourly rate. Still, children go to kindergarten and school, you also spend time with them, unloading your wife from worries for a couple of hours. A standard 8-hour shift is fine for our calculation.

Keep in mind, the higher the qualifications of a nanny (that is, if your spouse is a teacher or has a medical education), the more expensive it will cost you. But the most approximate price is 150 rubles per hour for one (this is important) child. Total per month 8 × 300 (do not forget that we have two children) = 2,400. 2,400 × 31 = 74,400.

And again, men should appreciate our kindness, we do not take into account overtime, we do not increase the price for work on weekends and holidays.

Nurse

What is there to hide, children get sick. And quite often. And then they need a very special care. Diet, procedures, give medicines on time, monitor the baby’s condition, call a doctor on time. This is a very difficult and responsible job. Round the clock! She is valued differently.

Our experience shows that children get sick at best for one and a half weeks a month. Nursing services cost about 1,500 rubles a day. Total per month: 1,500×10 = 15,000.

Laundry service

If you are lucky and no one gets sick this month, then you can save a lot. But you can’t do without washing and ironing. A family of four does laundry more than once a week. But we will assume that you are a very neat family and wear things extremely carefully in view of the high cost of home maintenance.

So, on average, laundry services cost:

— 120 rubles washing 5 kilograms of linen,

- 100 rubles drying 5 kilograms of laundry.

- washing powder 30-50 rubles a portion (depending on what you want).

- 30 rubles ironing per unit of linen (a duvet cover is a unit, a kitchen towel is also). The average price of a housekeeper for ironing is 300 rubles per hour. Let's take into account that you spend a couple of hours a week ironing.

Total per month: 120 + 100 + 50 = 270×4 = 1080. 600×4 = 2400.

Additional services

Courier orders - 800 rubles at a time. We do not forget, of course, that the execution of various documents, trips to the MFC, trips to my grandmother to take her a pot of butter and a basket of pies - all this refers to small courier orders, which must also be paid.

Pet care - an average of 5000 per month.

Buying food and household chemicals, consulting a stylist during shopping, escorting to events, entertainment expenses at parent meetings in kindergartens and schools - all this is also paid by the employer additionally.

Well, let's not forget about the social package. Work on weekends and holidays should be paid twice as much, the employee has the right to sick leave, and, of course, vacation PAYED BY THE EMPLOYER.

But you also have advantages. You can demand from your employee that he does not violate deadlines. He dressed in accordance with the corporate style (and not in a bathrobe!). Observed corporate etiquette, of course.

Total amount per month: 142,880 rubles without additional services.

But seriously...

Today it is very fashionable to talk about who owes what to whom. You only hear: “a woman must”, “a man must” ... And then the list of duties.

And how many trainings have bred on this basis! Offers from coaches are pouring in from all sides, who will now teach you how to take what you have not received. Relations between a man and a woman are becoming more and more like a congress of usurers.

I have only one question: have you ever thought about what people start counting when out of a relationship?

Julia, can you imagine, her husband once again refused to sit with the child on the weekend, he went out of town to help his parents! - one of my girlfriends complains to me on the phone, who has been on maternity leave for the second year and does not work.

Why didn't you go with them? I ask.

Yes, because they have already begun to prepare a garden for planting there, I will either have to help or sit with the child again. And I don't have the strength to do so. I want to relax at least on weekends, go quietly shopping or go to the movies, and not dig in the garden.

What does the husband say?

And he does not believe that I get tired. After all, I sit at home all day, so I'm idle. It's he who plows at work from morning to evening, not me. And at home there is a multicooker, and a washing machine, and a dishwasher.