Husband's surname. To take or not to take? Wedding and maiden name: change or not change Take or not the husband's surname

There are so many decisions that you make when preparing for a wedding, from theme, music, to venue. But there is a decision that is much more important than all this fuss - a change of surname. According to recent studies, about 80 percent of brides take their husband's last name, and 20 percent prefer to keep their maiden name. What would be the correct solution for you? Here we will talk about some things you should know before taking your husband's last name.

Benefits of changing your last name

Have you decided to be one with your husband in this sense? Here are the arguments supporting your intentions.

One surname for two makes life easier, especially when you have children. Most likely, you will be convinced of this when you go on a family trip, send your child to a kindergarten or school, and even just when you communicate with other parents.

If for some reason you do not like your last name, then this is just a good reason to quickly change it.

Many brides believe that one surname for two helps to feel like a full-fledged family, its change is an important and official symbol of obligations to each other.

Some more benefits

Placing monograms on home goods, ordering take-out dinners and tables at a restaurant, making any purchases delivered to your home - everything becomes much easier (although this is not the best argument in this matter).

It doesn’t matter if you change your last name or not, it’s worth considering that many people of the old school will still perceive you as one family, respectively, and call you Sidorova (after your husband), even if you are actually Petrov. Whether you like it or not, it will. You will even receive invitations to various family celebrations, where only one surname (of course, the husband) will be indicated. Maybe changing your last name isn't so bad after all.

Let's talk about the cons

Do not forget that 20 percent of women keep their maiden names after marriage. This list of reasons may lead you to want to increase this percentage.

You get married, you don't become a different person. Changing a surname can mean the loss of oneself or the loss of identity. Therefore, it is quite normal to get married, but at the same time keep your maiden name.

It may also be contrary to your policies, principles. Why should women take this step and not men? But what about same-sex partners? In addition, a name change can mean that a person is more old-fashioned than they really are.

If you are the last bearer of a surname in your family, then it is quite normal to refuse to change it.

Why else would such a step be undesirable?

If your last name is unique, interesting, and easy to pronounce, which you can't say about your partner's passport entry, then it's best to leave everything as it is. Perhaps life will be easier for you and your children.

If you are a fairly famous person, then after the wedding it may be difficult for you to restore your reputation with a different surname.

Luckily, today you don’t have to make such a difficult choice, because there are other options to consider.

How else can you do it?

Write your last name with a hyphen. Sometimes only the bride does it, while the groom stays where it was. There are cases when both change their surnames and write them with a hyphen. In such cases, both of you can discuss and decide which will go first in the documents.

Enter your maiden name as the second. So you can sometimes use your maiden name and sometimes your husband's name, depending on the circumstances.

If you're the last of your line and worried it won't continue, consider adopting the same name as your partner, but keep your maiden name as the first or second name for your child. This is a great way to keep the legacy of the family alive.

Why shouldn't a man do it instead of a woman? So far, only a small percentage of couples take this route. Such actions indicate that you are modern and are not at all afraid to change traditions. If your last name is much better than your husband's, then you can win this fight.

You can combine both surnames into one. If you are Chaikin and he is Polevoi, why don't you combine them together? Indeed - there is nothing that prevents you from choosing a completely new option. Think of it as an opportunity to create a new last name for the two of you.

Officially and legally, you can use the same name as your husband to make it easier to travel with children, solve school and other personal problems, but still use your maiden name in a professional environment. Although there will be a small problem when you have to change jobs, it will greatly improve your daily life.

Whatever you decide, be sure to listen to your heart and make the decision that works best for your personal situation. Remember the main thing - this decision will affect not only your future life, but also your children, so be sure to weigh the pros and cons.

After my second marriage, a wonderful surname remained in my memory. Unusual. Memorable. Liana Unru - sounded impressive and mysterious. For a novice politician and newspaperman - just a godsend.
And when 10 years later I went to the registry office again, I honestly told my husband about it. He fully understood what it would mean for a business woman to replace 34 bank cards. And also rights, passports, diplomas ... And then, money was invested in my last name. This is a popular brand... And I stayed with Unruh.
But, studying psychology, participating in constellations, I discovered such an aspect for myself.
In our Slavic (and not only Slavic, by the way) cultural code, the wife's surname answers the question "Whose one?".
If you are Ivanov, then whose wife is it? Ivanova. If Sidorov - Sidorova, Gritsatsuev - Gritsatsueva.
It is absorbed with mother's milk. It's almost unnameable, but quite obvious.
And this matters for someone who is brought up in this cultural field. If you grew up in Ecuador, with an Ecuadorian mom and an Ecuadorian dad, or in a gypsy camp, then the picture is different there. But for those who have absorbed the traditions of our country, this is absolutely essential. And usually unconscious.
The circle of responsibility of a husband for his wife closes with her acceptance husband's last name. Without taking a surname, a woman does not accept not only the letters in the passport, not only the gender of her husband, but also refuses his patronage.
If the husband is Sidorov, and the wife is Gritsatsuev, then Gritsatsuev is responsible for her. He must take care of her.
Moreover, these are unconscious mechanisms. At the level of the mind, everyone agrees with everything. And at the level of the unconscious, completely different schemes rule. And it is more expensive to fight them. And so much so that it is much easier change surname.
I decided that I would. But… I was still the chief editor and politician! A surname is a capital in which considerable funds have been invested!
And I had to wait. But as soon as I won the next election, I took the documents for exchange. The exchange cycle lasted more than a year. It was tedious, expensive and troublesome.
And once, at some buffet table, two familiar businessmen approached me:
We're arguing about you. Well, you're a smart lady. How so - after all, the brand costs money! These are such grandmas! Are you dumping them? What are you?
“There is no place for a second husband in a third marriage,” I replied.
The first one choked. And the second one said:
- Well, I washed it. Nothing to cover!

46 comments on " »

Should I take my husband's last name? This is a question often asked by young girls and women remarrying. And then I hear a lot of arguments in favor of leaving my maiden name:

• Too lazy to change documents
• First I will get a diploma, I will change my passport, I will wait until the end of my passport
• I'm already known in my field
• My last name sounds better
• It's my dad's last name and it shouldn't disappear.
• Too much honor will be his family
• Sometime later

And other options. Many women believe that this is normal, in the order of things. I don't want to, and I won't. And then they naively assume that such a decision will have no consequences. But there will be consequences for sure.

What happens if the wife remains with her maiden name

It’s easier to develop together under the same name

How many of you know who are:

• Victoria Adams
• Raisa Titorenko
• Sandra Merill
• Mamie Dowd
• Tatyana Solovieva
• Michelle Robinson

But these names most likely mean something to you:

• Victoria Beckham
• Raisa Gorbacheva
• Sandra
• Mamie Eisenhower
• Tatyana Mikhalkova
• Michelle Obama

It's the same women! And together with their husbands, they became famous dynasties. Families that many look up to.

Yes, there are exceptions:

• Maya Plisetskaya and Rodion Shchedrin
• Lyubov Orlova and Grigory Alexandrov
• Svetlana Nemolyaeva and Alexander Lazarev ...

Only these examples are exclusively Russian. And there are very few positive examples of this kind. In my opinion, this is very natural.

It is easier to develop together, having a common name. Being associated with your successful spouse is good for your reputation. If he is associated with a charming wife, this also gives him a few extra points. There are cases when a man communicates only because of his sweet wife, who is able to build relationships. There are also such options when the doors are open for a woman only because her husband is a decent and famous person.

But here the cost of error is greater. If you stumble, behave ugly - this will affect the name and your spouse. And if he does not keep his word, then you will also be reminded of this.

What if he doesn't mind?

Whether to take the husband's surname is a question that only in the last few decades has become discussed. Back in the first half of the 20th century, there was nothing to discuss: of course, take it, what options could there be? Then, with a change in public sentiment, when women began to emerge from the shadow of men, make careers, gain financial independence, the change of surname upon marriage lost its obligation. It turned out that the change of surname can be discussed, wondering if I need it. And when the girls began to ask themselves this question, it turned out that there are a lot of “buts” there. Husband's bad name. Paperwork in the process of changing the "signboard". Finally, you like your own and don't like your husband. And how to be? And more subtlety. It’s embarrassing to even think, but here’s the best friend divorced with a bang, a crash and a scandal, so what? She still bears the surname of her ex-husband. For changing back is a terrible fuss, a lot of time, which, of course, she does not have.

Under voltage

It is foolish, of course, to think that the husband's surname somehow affects marriage - in the sense that the matter is not in the form, but in the content. I took it, I didn’t take it - marriage will not get better or worse from this. Or will he? While the bride and wife are thinking at five minutes, He enters the arena. Almost the same husband. He nods, listening to soft arguments, and even, perhaps, these arguments are accepted and understood. And it is possible that the question “You were not offended?” wisely replies "No, you certainly don't." But the feeling that tension has arisen between you does not go away. It seems to be such nonsense - well, in fact, what does your marriage have to do with it and just some kind of surname, husband or yours. But there seems to be a connection.

Can't take and leave

As psychologists say, the refusal to take the husband's surname is perceived by the latter as an unwillingness to become part of his life, more precisely, to become part of a whole called family. Don't take a last name? This means that you do not see a joint future, you are not sure about something, you do not feel yourself in a single bond with it. It is clear that not all men think so ... although, to be honest, who knows. It is possible that even the most advanced man will be forced to work on himself in order to make such a decision for his future wife. Whether to take the husband’s last name, leave your last name - these two options, like “execution cannot be pardoned”, turn into an unbearable puzzle for those brides who are trying to find a balance between the unwillingness (explainable or inexplicable) to give up their “sign” and the unwillingness to upset a loved one . Is this my selfishness or is this how I feel? By agreeing - for the sake of my husband - to change my surname, will I act wisely or change myself?

Pros and cons

All this is difficult. But there is a way out. You can take a double surname. You can - if you don’t mind running around the authorities later - wait with the change, that is, get married, but don’t change your last name yet. Then, perhaps, something will mature, be understood, and then the decision will be made finally. There are many pluses from changing the surname: there will be no difficulties with children, to whom they should be “recorded”, and in the eyes of society you will be a single whole (which is also important). However, those who still cannot overcome themselves and change their surname do not need to reflect and reproach themselves. If you are making a career, and your - namely your - surname already means something, why lose your “brand”? Everything is correct, there is no need. And even if you are just starting your career ascent and, for example, it is more comfortable for you to go upstairs under your own surname, is it bad?

Every third

Sociologists, by the way, note that keeping a surname is usually the prerogative of independent women who clearly know themselves and their aspirations, and are able to explain their personal attitudes to others. Not surprising in this regard are the results of surveys showing that women who retain their maiden name find it easier to find a job, achieve better success and earn more. Of course, this does not mean that the adherents of traditional values ​​are less successful, far from it. But the world is changing, and what used to be indisputable is now becoming a topic for discussion. Even 40 years ago, only 9% of women did not take their husband's surname, today this figure is 30%. That is almost one in three. And it is not a fact that the marriages entered into by these 30% are under threat. In the end, if she refused to change her last name and got married anyway, then the other half accepted her position. Which is already to a certain extent a sign of the unity of souls, mutual understanding and the ability to compromise.