The child stole. What to do? Caught, but not a thief How to explain to a child that you can’t steal

More recently, your sweet baby pleased you, not allowing you to doubt him for a minute.

A carefree and open to the world son or a laughter-loving daughter, telling her parents about every little thing, did not give the slightest reason for grief and disappointment.

But suddenly, like a bolt from the blue, you begin to notice that the amounts in your wallet are magically changing.

The brain begins to frantically remember where you spent the missing rubles.

You remember every step taken during the day, but everything is in vain and you do not find any explanation for what is happening.

Thoughts that your own child is involved in this you are trying to drive away to the last. But here comes the moment when the secret becomes clear and you need to accept what is really there.

So, you know for sure that your native blood occasionally gets into your wallet without telling you anything about it.

What to do if a child steals money - this question persistently arises in your head every day. Why this happens and how parents should act in such a situation - now we will analyze everything in detail.

Why does the child start stealing?

There may be several reasons. Knowing them, you will be able to correctly explain the theft of your child.

1. The child has many prohibitions and he cannot legally get what he wants (on this topic, read the article How to explain to a child what is not allowed?>>>);

He can't find any other way to get what he wants other than stealing. When children begin to desire something strongly, they actively begin to look for different ways to help them achieve their goal.

And if stealing this is the only way to get what you want, then the child will choose it, no matter how sad you hear it.

1. Parents themselves violate the boundaries of their children;

Remember, do you often knock when you go to your child's room?

And you should definitely do this, even if your child is no more than 5 years old. He looks at you and draws conclusions about what it means, and he can not ask anything and not wait for your permission for any of his actions.

1. The baby does not have a sense of ownership (a related article on topics that may be of interest to you: Greedy child >>>);

It is difficult for him to distinguish where his own, and where someone else's. You can often observe how parents say to their child: “Give the car to your brother (sister), he is still small.”

And just in the sandbox, mothers often demand from their children that they share their toys with others, even though they clearly do not want to do this.

And all because the mother is on friendly terms with the mother of the child who stubbornly wants to get her baby's toy and does everything possible for this - hysteria, screaming, crying, etc.

And the adult begins to feel like a hostage of the situation:

• and you can’t take it away from yours (there are no obvious reasons for this);
• and I want to somehow help my girlfriend-mother, remaining good in her eyes, who is rushing about, not knowing what to do with her baby, who threw a tantrum all over the site.

So begins not direct, but indirect pressure of parents on their children, by repeated repetition: "Share with the boy, you see he is crying."

By the way, we are talking about how to behave correctly on playgrounds, how to teach a child to be safe, at the online seminar. Attention: a walk!>>>

You can probably remember such a situation. If it didn't happen specifically to you, then definitely with your friends, or you could just watch it from the side.

Namely, this leads to the fact that the child does not form a clear understanding of his property.

He is constantly forced to hand over his personal belongings.

• The kid begins to perceive this as something that should be so, and for everyone;
• He does not perceive the property of another person;
• His thoughts on this subject are as follows: “Since they can take it away from me without asking if I want to give it away or not, then I can do the same with others.”

1. Stealing as a way to get the attention of others and show them in a way that there is a problem.

In this case, theft acts as a symptom that indicates that the child is missing something.

• This may be the attention of parents, their love;
• If a child steals, this can also indicate some kind of trouble in general (within the family, etc.). In this way he tries to draw attention to the problem;

The child is not even afraid of the price of this method: after all, he understands perfectly well that no one will pat him on the head for such actions. But even such attention is valuable to him.

Although, of course, you can be completely at a loss, thinking about what your baby may lack (read the useful article How to behave with a child?>>>).

After all, he has everything that he does not ask for: from all kinds of toys to gadgets (depending on age).

But carefully analyze how much time you spend with your baby, carefully listening to everything he tells you about.

Important! Attention, or rather its lack, is the most common reason why a child steals. Maybe this is your case?

How to respond to theft?

Remember! Never start yelling at your child when you're dealing with a situation.

Remember two main things: the first - there should not be screams, and the second - never talk to him in an accusatory tone: "How could you do this?", "Aren't you ashamed?"

By the way, if you can’t talk calmly, the tips from the article How not to yell at a child can help you?>>>

1. In a calm tone, explain to the baby that it is impossible to take someone else's without asking - this is called theft. Tell him that this is not accepted in your family and you do not do this;
2. Ask him why he did it and together with him find a way to make amends;
3. Show your child by example how unpleasant it is when something is taken from you without permission. For example, take away his favorite toy and start doing something with it;

In this case, everything should happen in front of the baby. Then ask him how he feels?

Focus his attention on unpleasant sensations: “You don’t like this?”. Talk about how others feel the same way. And then immediately show another way to get what you want.

Tell the child that, firstly, you must definitely ask, and secondly, offer something of your own in return.

1. Be sure to recognize the child's right to want something;

For example, your baby wants the same toy as his comrades. Tell him, “Yes, I understand your desire to have this thing. She is really cool and can do a lot of things, which makes it possible to significantly diversify her game.

1. Explain the reason why you cannot give what the baby wants at the moment. And always be honest;

No need to invent anything, just tell it like it is. If it's a lack of money, just say, "I don't have enough money right now to buy you this thing."

Children always feel whether you are sincere with them or not, and they appreciate it very much when they are told the truth.

It is a question of their further trust in you. It also strengthens the child's self-esteem: they consider it necessary to share everything that happens in their family with him.

Plus, he must learn to accept things as they are - "no" means "no."

1. Be sure to offer options for a way out of this situation.

Invite your child to buy a toy later when you have the financial opportunity, or tie the purchase to a significant date (birthday, new year, etc.).

At the same time, be sure to indicate the time intervals, name the exact dates. By doing this, you will teach your child patience and the ability to find the right ways to achieve their goals.

How to teach a child 4 - 7 years old to value money

The answer to the question "How to wean a child to steal money?" will sound like this: educate the baby in the understanding that money has a certain value and does not fall from the sky.

This is important to do not only when he was convicted of stealing money, but also when nothing bad happens.

Knowing the value of money will help the baby in his adult future. He will be able to properly dispose of them and extract them. The following tips will help you teach your child the value of money and the right way to handle it.

• At about 4-5 years old, you can start giving your child pocket money. I do not write the amount, because everything will depend on the financial capabilities of your family. Someone gives out 30 rubles, someone 100;
• Let the child now fulfill his desires from the category: “Mom, buy a chocolate bar” or “I want this magazine” with my own money;
• Do it regularly without changing the rules. It should not be: today we give money, but not tomorrow;
• Do not give money for something: got a good grade, cleaned the room, etc. In other words, money should not be a reward;
• Select a specific place where the child can store his money - a wallet, a piggy bank, etc.

Applying all the above 5 points, you will explain to the child the value of money, give an understanding of work, and be able to teach them to give up momentary desires in favor of something more important and valuable.

These are the tips for combating theft turned out today. I will immediately draw your attention to the fact that all of the above is valid for children aged 4 to 7 years.

Theft in adolescence is a separate big topic, which I will somehow definitely consider in a separate article.

The actions of our children will not always please us. Just like in our adult life, we cannot do without difficult situations that happen to us or our loved ones.

From these difficulties we learn and grow higher. And even the saddest, at first glance, the situation we need in order to climb one step higher. Know that there is always a way out and in everything, the main thing is to want to see it.

Have you experienced child theft? How did they react and explain that it was impossible to do this?

If you find something that does not belong to your child in your child's toys, do not rush to grab the belt.

As soon as she came from the street, Anya took a doll in a bright dress out of her jacket pocket, and, having entered into a conversation with her, moved into the nursery. Neither mother nor father bought this beauty for her. "Whose doll is this?" - "My!" - without being distracted from the game, the daughter answered.

Why not?

Even the calmest parents are shocked when it suddenly turns out that their baby took something without asking at a party or took it away from the kindergarten. This is immediately followed by scandal, tears, righteous anger, gloomy reflections on the future of the child. There really is something to think about here, but without undue tragedy.

I have already said that small children in the game can exchange toys with each other as if they were common toys and at the same time belong to each of them. After all, the child has no doubt that if a thing is in front of his eyes and you can reach it, let alone play, then it is his. The idea of ​​what is "mine" and "alien" appears in a small person, as a rule, after three years. Until then, childish theft is essentially not theft at all.

Well, tell me, is the thief a four-year-old boy who, in a sincere friendly outburst, gave his friend the most beautiful disc from your, dad, audio collection? And the kid who calmly put in his pocket a plastic soldier dropped by his neighbor in the sandbox? He just wants to have something that belongs to another and sincerely does not understand why it is impossible to solve this problem in this way and why he is scolded for it.

The child is still simply unfamiliar with the generally accepted rules and norms of behavior, the parents, unfortunately, have not yet found the time to tell him that taking something that is not his own means stealing, which is very bad. If you explain all this in time, at the very first time you noticed, then it is likely that from this time on he will start at least asking if he can take the toy he likes. This way you may be able to end the problem at its source.

Attention at all costs

But it happens that a child (as a rule, this is already a child who has left infancy), putting someone else's thing in his pocket without asking, realizes that he is doing something bad. The main thing that parents need to do is to try to understand the reasons for what happened and act in accordance with what they understand. After all, the psychology of children's "stealing" is simple: in this way the child compensates for the lack of something. But what exactly, and parents have to find out.

The main motive to take someone else's is, of course, the strongest, invincible desire to have the thing you like, sometimes contrary to the voice of conscience. A child may understand that he is doing bad things, but the power of temptation is great, and he cannot resist. He realizes that he is harming another, but he finds a variety of justifications for his act - “Seryozhka already has a lot of things”, “they will buy me tomorrow, and I will return it to him”, “yes, they won’t notice anything”, etc.

It really happens that you don’t notice how coins of various denominations disappear from your wallet, individual books from the rack, and disks from the shelf. You have a lot of things to do, you bring home money, you are not up to trifles. But do you notice, in principle, how your child is growing, are you able to see for yourself that from the sweater bought last year, the arms stick out almost to the elbow? Do you notice how he sees his peers with an envious look with ice cream in his hands?

But as soon as you notice the loss, you turn into a merciless punishing sword. That's what the kid did! After all, he simply lacks you, your attention, your real participation in his life. Yes, by working hard, you care about him too, but this is happening far from him, he does not see it. And the stronger your anger is, the more often he will want at least such, visible, your attention. The material benefit of his act interests the child, perhaps, least of all. And the money taken from you, the sweets bought with them, for him, is simply a symbol of the replacement of parental love.

And further. If the child is not doing well at home, he will seek solace outside of him, among his peers. And in order to win their respect, he will be ready for a lot, including taking money from you without asking in order to "bribe" peers who agree to communicate with him only if he has sweets or toys. Did you know that he is lonely in the yard and at school, that he does not know how to communicate, does not know how to make friends? And who was supposed to teach him this?

You are together!

And now you are beside yourself, you are in a panic - the child took someone else's!

Before you begin to understand, please remember that this is not a recidivist thief, but your son or daughter. So, you need to be extremely careful in words, no matter what you suspect him of! Psychologists believe that parents should always proceed from the iron rule - never accuse a child of stealing, even if there was no one else to "steal" besides him. The exception, as psychologist Marina Kravtsova writes, is when you caught him at the scene of a crime, but even in this case you need to choose expressions, because sometimes even one overly tough conversation on this topic is enough to give rise to an inferiority complex in a child that will poison him life.

But even in this case, you should not inflate what happened to the scale of a catastrophe, as well as pretend that nothing happened.

Yes, you are upset, angry, but still try to stay calm. Accusations, and even more so assault, will never solve the problem (as well as the question: “Why did you do this?” Will not receive a clear answer), and the child will continue to do his own thing, and deceive you in order to avoid punishment. After properly assessing what happened, talk to him calmly and confidentially.

A small person rarely thinks about the consequences of theft. Try to put him in the place of the victim, let him remember how offended he was when his things were taken without asking. An older child might be asked, "Imagine you discovered that money had been stolen from your wallet. What would you say to this person?" With schoolchildren, one conversation about honesty, I'm afraid, will no longer be enough. Tell them about the consequences of their action, such as the loss of friends, a bad reputation, and possible future calls to the police.

As for the return of the "stolen", some psychologists advise parents to insist that the child do it himself and openly: apologies, proceedings with the possible participation of the victim's parents - all these unpleasant procedures will be remembered by him and prevent a repetition of what happened. I am in favor of less shock therapy: it is worth trying to quietly (being on the same guest) put the thing back in place or go to return it with the child and help him explain: the parents of the "thief", I think, should share responsibility for what happened with him. The child will appreciate it, I assure you!

And generally less theory, less moralizing. An emergency happened, sort it out, you are a parent and should be with your child together, both in soul and thoughts! And not only in moments of catharsis, but constantly, warning catharsis. A child who does not receive the skill of trusting, loving communication in the family is unlikely to have a prosperous fate.

love against theft

The tendency to steal in children is NOT cured by punishment. It is true that society teaches respect for the laws by resorting to harsh measures. But it is also true that none of them apply to a child of preschool age: according to the law, he is not yet able to answer for his actions. And parents will do the right thing if they take the same position. And they will consider manifestations of theft from a child as an IRRESPONSIBLE act. Theft is "cured" not only by suggestion and assessment of the behavior of the baby. It is also important to lead the conversation in such a way that he wants to understand you and agree with your opinion.

Only when the child feels that his parents love him and he truly loves them, only then does he want to be like them and imitate them. No calls to limit desires affect him. That is why it is so important that he has a good opinion of his parents.

We will return to the owner what the child has taken away, we will try to find out what the child lacks at home, we will do our best to give him what he lacks. It is very important that good relations develop between parents and children. Then it will be possible to instill in the child an idea of ​​​​true decency and honesty.

E.Fromm, "ABC for parents"

The term “stealing,” as psychologists have proven, cannot be applied to preschoolers. Their psyche is not aware of the difference between "own" and "alien", and this once again explains why children steal toys at a party and bring them home. But what parents should do if an older child steals, psychologists advise: try to find out the reason and talk with the child.

What to do if the child began to steal other people's things?

The reasons why a son or daughter can bring someone else's phone, toy, book, etc. home, maybe several:

• the desire to own something that is not being bought;
• an opportunity to attract the attention of parents.

In the first case, it is possible to wean a child from stealing, both by explaining to him that it is impossible to take someone else's, and by threatening with punishment. This is especially true when the thing that the child took broke. In this case, the student must be explained that the money for the spoiled item must be returned if he has savings, or worked out. Another thing is if the child does not have enough attention, then only conversation and spending time together will help solve this problem.

What to do if the child began to steal money?

Typically, children begin in adolescence. There can be many reasons that push them to this:

• absence, provided that other children, for example, when going to the cinema, are given such funds;
• extortion from older children;
• the need for self-affirmation, when buying for them, an expensive thing;
• lack of control, especially with a good income in the family.

The advice of a psychologist about the fact that a child steals money from parents boils down to the fact that you first need to find out the reason, and then try to find a solution together with the child so that this does not happen again. If this is extortion, then you need to go to the police. If it's a matter of lack of control, because the money is lying around everywhere and there is no account for it, then it makes sense to put it in a certain place where there will be no access, etc. However, the problem is greatly complicated when the student does not admit his guilt. What to do if a child steals and lies - to prove the fact of theft. And only then can we talk about crime, children's colonies, about the fact that all the money must be given back. How to explain to a child that you can’t steal is a question that is better answered with real stories, photographs: from the courtroom, prison inmates, etc., proving that these people have a broken life, no education, expensive cars, and how rule of the future. Here, the moment of understanding by the child that someone else's should never be taken is very important, because punishment will immediately follow.

There are several ways that a teenager can use if they start stealing: take money from their parents' bag, steal something from the store, or bring some school stuff home. Depending on how big the theft is, he could be in trouble with the law. However, even if the theft is petty, a teenager who steals is guaranteed to face feelings of guilt, shame, and embarrassment. The same is experienced by his parents when the situation ceases to be a secret. Here are steps you can take to help your teenager stop stealing again and not end up in an embarrassing situation.

Explain the consequences of stealing

So, you notice that your teenager is taking money from your wallet, or you found something stolen from a store in his backpack. If this is the first time this has happened and your teen has never committed a crime, the first thing you should do is sit down and discuss the importance of respecting other people's property, and how breaking the law can land you in jail. Do not play down the seriousness of the situation or assume that stealing is completely normal if no one notices you. Speak clearly and clearly when explaining the situation, say that the consequences can change the whole life of a person. Use specific definitions - theft and theft. Remind them that a teenager can end up in jail for several years, depending on the severity of the offense. Remember that the situation is really critical, so you should never ignore it.

Show the consequences of stealing

Another method is not to tell, but to show specific examples of what can happen if a child is caught stealing. If your teen has taken money or things from you, some parents recommend calling the police and making a "fake" arrest so that the cop explains to the child what the consequences might be and how his whole life will change. This tactic may seem extreme, and it will only work if the theft directly affects you, because then it is you who decides whether to contact the police. Nevertheless, there is a plus - this method can scare a teenager so much that he will never want to steal again. Consider whether this approach is appropriate for your particular situation.

Come up with a punishment that involves positive action

Do not physically punish the child or try to shame him - this will only cause anger and discomfort. Focus on making the punishment associated with positive actions. This will help your teen become more aware of the damage that stealing can do to relationships with others, and begin to better value honesty. For example, if a child stole money from your bag, let him return everything stolen - he can earn extra money or do household chores to work off this amount. By doing extra chores around the house, it is easier to realize the consequences of the actions taken, so this method of punishment is very effective and at the same time beneficial.

Ask a teenager why he decided to steal

Try to figure out what motivation is hidden behind the act of a teenager. Perhaps it's some other problems or difficulties. If you know what caused this behavior, it is easier for you to prevent a recurrence of an unpleasant situation. Teenagers steal for a variety of reasons. For example, it may be the desire to fit into the team. A child wants a trendy smartphone or stylish sneakers, and the only way to get them is to steal from the store or take money from someone to make the desired purchase. Fitting in with others is an important part of growing up, teenagers often feel pressured and need to have the same things as everyone else in order to fit into their circle. Another reason pushing for theft is the need for attention. Any attention from others, even frankly negative, may seem like a better way out than its complete absence. A teenager steals because he knows that you definitely will not ignore it. He is trying to get you to notice him. It is worth noting such a reason as constraint. Condoms, tampons, a pregnancy test, emergency contraception—those items can be so embarrassing that a teen feels the better choice is stealing. This is the only way out, because asking someone for money is simply unacceptable, as it seems to a teenager. Finally, some teenagers are attracted to a sense of danger. They like to experience new emotions and take part in risky activities, they are interested in the forbidden and wrong out of a sense of contradiction. In this case, stealing can be a way of testing boundaries: how far can one go with impunity? If you ignore a teenager's misbehavior, the problem will only get worse.

Provide your teenager with alternative sources of income

If your teen steals because he can't afford the same things as his peers, try finding a part-time job for him. This will help him become more responsible and learn how to properly handle money, as well as provide freedom to buy what he wants, and not steal. You can also encourage your child to create his own budget so that he learns how to save and how to handle money properly. Such skills will seriously help him in later life.

Find extra activities for your child

Encourage self-development, let the teenager spend his energy on honing his skills and abilities productively, for example, by playing some kind of sports or participating in a hobby group. This will help the child to establish communication with peers who have some other interests besides material values ​​and the latest fashion trends.

Spend more time with your teen

If stealing is an attempt to attract attention, you should by no means ignore the situation. Try to spend time with your teenager on a regular basis, demonstrate that you care about him. Invite him to do something together - choose something that really interests him, for example, go to a concert of his favorite band. You can discuss awkward questions and topics that cause discomfort in such a situation. Reassure your teen that there is no reason to be shy and that stealing is not an option. Explain that you are always available for help and that condoms and other forms of contraception are not something to start stealing about.

Chat with a psychologist

If you notice that your teenager still can't stop stealing, you should probably seek the help of a family psychologist. Some teenagers commit crimes because of psychological problems that require therapy, either with you or on an individual level. Do not allow stealing to become a habit, because it can lead to very serious consequences and destroy the moral foundations of the child. It is also worth considering that some teenagers develop kleptomania, a rare compulsive disorder in which a person feels anxiety or tension before a crime, and after that feels relief and joy. If you suspect that your teenager may have this disorder, it should be discussed with a therapist. It will be difficult to solve the problem on your own.

Any child psychologist knows very well - almost everyone in childhood stole something at least once. And this is absolutely normal.

Depending on age, the reasons for stealing can vary greatly.

For example, the baby does not even fully realize what is “mine” and what is “foreign”. Fantasy and reality in his mind can be bizarrely intertwined, and the boundaries between them are very blurred.

Preschool children also do not always clearly understand the boundaries of property. In addition, they have a very strong selfishness. This can be explained by the fact that in the process of evolution, the cubs of our ancestors needed to take very good care of themselves in order to survive.

At about 6 - 8 years old, the foundations of morality begin to form. Younger students are already beginning to correlate their actions with the interests and opinions of other people.

However, a normal child, and often a teenager, is quite easy to steal. Why?

Reasons for child theft

1. Stealing with the best of intentions

A child can indeed steal with the best of intentions, for example, to give to someone he loves. Friend, mom or dad, brother. This desire turns out to be stronger than the restraining internal prohibition to take someone else's. After all, the moral foundations of this age are just beginning to take shape. And desires are very strong.

2. I really want to, I can’t resist

The child simply "really wants to." Toy, doll, pie or candy. Yes, you never know what a person might want. And - the hand, as it were, reaches out and takes it. He already understands that he has done something reprehensible, but he cannot resist.

The thing is that children are simply not yet able to fully control their behavior. They have not yet matured brain structures responsible for self-control, they are still being formed. But the child already understands that he has done something reprehensible, and slowly puts the toy in his pocket, a beautiful ring in a hiding place, etc.

The brain structures responsible for self-control do not fully mature until around the age of 19-21 and later. That is why teenagers are often unrestrained, and sometimes have problems with the law. They simply have not yet developed the function of self-control. They know how to do it, but they can't control themselves.

With the help of special exercises, you can develop self-control. This is what we do on CUB trainings.

3. The need to have an iconic thing

A teenager may go for theft because he needs a certain attribute of "coolness", without which he feels inferior among his peers. For example, friends already have the latest iPhones.

This is especially susceptible teenagers with low self-esteem and those to whom unable to build relationships with peers.

It seems to them that the cherished object will become the key to the recognition of their peers. But the young kidnapper is usually disappointed. After all, self-confident guys who know how to communicate enjoy the respect of their comrades. And it may seem to a teenager that he lacks some other attribute, but when he appears, then...

To break this vicious circle, the child needs build self-esteem and learn how to communicate. This is what our trainings are about.

4. Stress and loss of self-control

Stress further reduces the ability to self-control. And not only in children. Adults in a situation of stress also do not behave brilliantly: they smoke, seize, skip a glass and perform many more not very reasonable actions, which is closer to whom.
At the same time, you remember that in children the brain structures responsible for self-control have not yet matured. And when they're upset, tired, scared, or just unwell, kids have a much harder time than adults to control themselves.

Stealing is often a sign that a child is experiencing emotional distress. There can be many reasons.

Half a year ago, 8-year-old Vanya had a younger sister. And parents began to pay less attention to him. And then the “big brother” suddenly, for no reason at all, steals money from a classmate from his wallet at school. Parents in horror: - Why? After all, he has everything? We do not deny him anything!

Indeed, their son is not deprived of anything, except for one thing - for six months now he has considered himself deprived of parental attention. And the little man interprets this as a deprivation of love. Millions of years of evolution have taught human cubs that without parental love they will disappear, die, so the child experiences stress in this situation.
And you remember, the effect of stress is such that self-control is reduced.

5. Imitating friends

It happens that children steal "for the company" or imitating others - peers or older children. This can be explained by two reasons:

• my friends do it, so it's normal. This is how the “social confirmation” effect works;
• division of responsibility. After all, if together, it seems that the blame will be equally distributed among everyone, and I will only be slightly to blame;
• perhaps with the help of theft, the child passes the test for “weak”, and wants to prove that he is brave, mature and worthy of the friendship of his comrades.

5. Theft as revenge

Maybe the child wants to punish the offender by depriving him of something significant? Looking forward to how he will be upset, and maybe even punished for the loss.

So, you found out that the child stole. What to do?

Here it should also be noted that our adult reaction to the difference in the value of a stolen item and the reaction of children is very different. Adults may be indulgent about a stolen candy or a beautiful sticker, and be horrified if a child appropriated someone else's phone. But the child doesn't care. For him, only the strength of his desire to take possession of this object is important.

First, a few categorical: what exactly NOT TO DO.

1. Do not threaten!

Often parents, being shocked that their child has committed this unforgivable and terrible, in their opinion, act, begin to frighten the child with talk about the prison and the police.

While children are small, they often cannot relate their misconduct, which is not so terrible, in their opinion, with the horrors that parents frighten.

It is very important here that your son or daughter always feel that you are on their side, even if they did bad things. And if we are talking about the police or prison, then you will be a “lawyer”, not a “prosecutor”.

2. No labels

“You are a thief!”, “Yes, you have one road - to prison”, “Criminal! Nothing good in life awaits you! And sometimes you can even hear - “My child could not do this! You are not my son!"
If you stop for a second and think, you will immediately see that the scale is completely off here: stealing is certainly an unsympathetic act, but it certainly does not deserve a curse for life.

Z. Without comparison!

With yourself as a child, with other children, etc.
Firstly, who is without sin? Everyone has done things that are embarrassing to remember. Each.
If you manage to convince the child of his "badness", this will only contribute to the next offense. After all, if he is bad, hopeless, worst of all - then why try and keep yourself from temptations? A child with such self-esteem will no longer have faith in his ability to resist temptation, and will more easily succumb to it again.

Remember, our goal is to build a child's self-esteem.

Accusations and punishments are also dangerous because the child will regret not that he did a bad deed, but that he was caught, and will try to repeat his feat, but more inventively, so as not to get caught. I don't think that's what we're aiming for.

Secondly, ask yourself the question: what is your goal now? Do you want to humiliate and crush a child? I think no. You want to keep him from doing bad things in the future. But scolding and humiliating a child, you cause him stress. And you already know that stress reduces the ability to self-control.

4. Not in front of witnesses

In no case do not disassemble in front of strangers.
Uncles, aunts, friends, a school teacher - don't. Only alone. No wonder the classic of education says: praise - in public, reprimand - in private. Everything that was written in the first three paragraphs will be reinforced by the publicity of shame. Remember about stress, self-control and self-esteem.

5. Who will remember the old ...

If you do not want to strengthen the child in the belief that he is "bad", that he is a "thief", do not remember this sin of his in the future. Especially if his new "crime" will be of a completely different kind. For example, a bad grade, unwashed dishes, a mess in the room.

So how do you influence the child?

1. Explain

While the son or daughter is still small, just try to calmly explain to them that you can’t take someone else’s thing without asking. Help imagine how someone whose property is stolen feels. How other people treat those who steal.
Tell me what civilized ways can be to get what you want. You can agree on the exchange of toys for a while, you can ask your parents to buy him a similar one. Etc.

2. Support

Support your child's self-esteem. Explain to him that he faced a difficult test and could not bear it. The temptation was too great. Tell us how something similar happened to you as a child, and how you vowed not to take someone else's again and were able to keep your word, even though it was difficult. Let him know that almost everyone goes through such an experience, it is important what lesson you learn from it. The main thing is that the child identifies himself with an honest person, and would like to correspond to this image.

3. Find out the reasons for theft

Remember, they can be varied. But in any case, this is some kind of deficit. Maybe there was a lack of recognition in the classroom, and the child stole to show off or even give away. There may be a lack of self-esteem, and he needs a symbolic thing to assert himself (everyone already has such a toy, a phone ...) Maybe the child tried to console himself when he was sad or he was nervous (stress). It is important for you to find out how you can help him compensate for the existing deficit.

4. Fix

Instead of punishment and reproaches, show the child the way to correct the situation. For example, how to return the stolen or compensate for the damage, if possible. If he is very ashamed of the perfect deed, then maybe you can secretly return the thing to its place? And if this is no longer possible, then you can try to perform some kind of good deed in order to at least symbolically balance the bad one.

7-year-old Kostya went for a walk in Pushkin with his grandmother. When they returned home, it turned out that Kostya had taken a toy motorcycle from somewhere. It is no longer possible to establish its owner. But you can donate this motorcycle and some other toy to children from the orphanage. Fortunately, there are points where you can bring things for orphans. Kostya and grandmother did just that. They collected several toys, and the boy himself chose not only toys that were already boring, but also those that he loves. And also attached to them the ill-fated motorcycle. This restored Kostya's self-consciousness as an honest and kind person, able to cope with his desires and impulses. And most importantly, it will be remembered for a long time.

11-year-old Marina stole money from her mother's wallet, and more than once. As a result, a fairly significant amount was accumulated. How did Marina spend them? I bought treats for my classmates! So she tried to win their favor. When the situation was revealed, worried and disappointed parents, on the advice of a psychologist, gathered a family council. They managed to explain to Marina without reproaches and accusations that she would have to somehow compensate for the money taken from the family budget. Marina could choose whether to give up entertainment during the holidays or take on additional household duties so that her mother would have more strength to earn the amount Marina spent. The girl chose additional household duties and fulfilled them for a whole month. So she retained her self-respect and learned to take better responsibility for her actions.

Conclusion

Please remember, even if your child is already old enough, if he stole, then he could not cope with his desires. He has a deficit. He lacked self-control. Perhaps he was under stress. This means that he also needs your support and help in correcting the situation, as if he were 7 years old. Children should feel that we are always on their side, that we are their "lawyers" and not "accusers".

This problem needs to be addressed from two sides. The child will be helped trainings for children and teenagers, and you can learn the skill of parenting on